Couple communication

Communication in a romantic partnership

Communication is a key component of any healthy relationship, and this is especially true for couples. When two people are in a romantic partnership, they need to be able to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly in order to build a strong and lasting bond.

Although every relationship may have ups and downs and communication challenges, it’s worrying when couples can’t communicate effectively at all, or suffer from an absolute lack of communication.
Each person has its own way of communicating and some couples might have more difficulty finding their way than others. Independently from which kind of relationship you have, it is always worth it to learn more about communication skills and couple communication exercises, search for new ways of talking and listening to each other, and all in all improve the communication in your relationship.

Why do couples have communication problems?

There are many different reasons why couples may have communication problems. Some common reasons include:

• Lack of time: In today’s fast-paced world, it can be difficult to find time to sit down and have meaningful conversations with your partner. This can lead to a lack of communication and an inability to stay connected.
• Differences in communication styles: Different people have different communication styles, and this can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications between couples.
• Lack of active listening: It’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and perspectives, and this can lead to a lack of active listening. When one partner is not fully present and engaged in the conversation, it can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.
• Miscommunication: Miscommunications can occur when one partner does not clearly express their thoughts or feelings, or when the other partner does not fully understand what is being said.
• Past experiences: Past experiences, such as previous relationships or past trauma, can also affect communication in a couple.
• Stress and fatigue: Stress and fatigue can make it difficult to effectively communicate with your partner. When we are feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, it can be harder to listen and understand what the other person is saying.

There are other factors that can contribute to communication problems in a relationship. But the good thing is that you can make something to improve your communication skills. The first step is asking yourself how is your couple communication. By being aware of these potential issues and making an effort to work on them and practicing couple communication exercises, you can increase clarity, trust, and connection and therefore achieve a stronger and deeper relationship. 

Lack of communication in a relationship – when a couple can’t communicate

Lack of communication in a relationship can lead to a number of problems and can ultimately cause the relationship to deteriorate. When partners fail to communicate effectively, they may become disconnected from one another. This can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and even resentment.

One of the main issues that arises from lack of communication is a lack of trust. When partners are not open and honest with each other, they may begin to doubt one another’s intentions and may become suspicious of each other’s actions.
This can lead to feelings of insecurity and can cause the relationship to become strained.

Another problem caused by lack of communication is a lack of understanding. When partners are not able to communicate effectively, they may struggle to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. This can cause confusion and frustration, and can lead to arguments and disagreements.

Poor communication can also lead to a lack of intimacy in a relationship, because to build a strong emotional bond you need to feel safe, listened and understood. When both of you are able to communicate your needs and wants, you don’t feel neglected and will be more able to experience deeper intimacy and connection.

Ultimately, lack of communication can lead to a breakdown in the relationship and can cause partners to feel resentful and disconnected from one another. It’s so important to make an effort to work on communication skills for couples, to be able to communicate more effectively and to be open and honest with each other to maintain a healthy and strong relationship.

How do couples communicate?

There is a variety of ways in which couples may communicate, including verbal communication, written communication, and nonverbal communication.
Let us start by observing, that not only the words you use, but also the way you speak, listen, move, and even look, have a huge impacte in the quality and success of the communication in your relationship.

Verbal communication involves speaking to each other, either in person or through phone or video calls. As we all know, words are very powerful. They may hold negative or positive energy, so it’s wise to be aware of what we express through words. You can create verbal intimacy when you speak in a clear and respectful way, using words that communicate your love or appreciation, but also by sharing your thoughts, feelings, dreams and ideas to one another.

Written communication can include things like text messages sent through your mobile, emails or letters, and handwritten notes or memos that you leave for your partner. When done with a loving intention, written communication can be a helpful mean to express your feelings and thoughts, to address problems, and even to help solve conflicts.

Nonverbal communication includes body language, gestures, facial expressions, and other nonverbal cues that convey meaning without the use of words. This type of communication has a huge impact on the person you are communicating with, although both of you may not be even quite aware of it. Some of the nonverbal ways we use are more obvious, like the tone of voice, the emotions showed through facial expressions, or the kind of physical touch exchanged. But slightly differences of body postures or gestures may not be noticed that easily, although they may affect the communication hugely. Be aware of the way you move, look, and react when your partner is talking to you and when you are speaking.

Above all, effective couple communication involves more than just the words that are spoken or written. It also involves actively listening to each other and trying to understand each other’s perspective. This means not just hearing what the your partner is saying, but really paying attention and trying to understand their thoughts and feelings.
Make an effort to be open and honest, both when sharing and when listening to each other’s thoughts and feelings, specially when they are difficult to express, and when there are disagreements or differences of opinion. Showing to your partner that you care to understand what they are sharing, will be extremely valuable for supporting a good communication in your relationship. 

Communication skills for couples

There are several steps that couples can take to improve their communication and strengthen their relationship:

• Set aside dedicated time to talk: Make an effort to have regular meals together or schedule regular date nights where you can focus on each other and have meaningful conversations.
• Practice active listening: This means really paying attention to what your partner is saying and trying to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive, and instead try to listen and understand where they are coming from.
• Be open and honest: Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if they may be difficult to express. It’s important to be honest and open with each other in order to build trust and strengthen your bond.
• Be respectful and non-judgmental: It’s natural to have disagreements and differences of opinion, but it’s important to approach these conflicts with respect and empathy.
• Be open to compromise: Communication is a two-way street, and it’s important to be open to compromise. Be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
• Work on understanding each other’s perspective: Try to understand where your partner is coming from and how they see things. This can help to build empathy and reduce misunderstandings.
• Use “I” statements instead of blame or criticism: Using “I” statements helps to express your feelings without placing blame on your partner. This can help to reduce defensiveness and increase understanding.
• Take a break: If a conversation becomes too heated, it’s okay to take a break and come back to the conversation later when you have both cooled down.
• Seek outside help if needed: In some cases, couples may find that they are unable to resolve conflicts on their own. If this is how you are feeling about your relationship, you may benefit from seeking the help of a therapist, a counselor or a coach who can give you support and guide you through the skills and techniques you need to improve your communication.
• Apply for our online tantra course for couples – the new WE – and enrol in the program we developed specially for couples, with many practices and a personal coaching support, with dedicated quality time for your relationship.

Remember that effective communication is essential for a healthy relationship and it takes time and effort to achieve good communication skills. Keep in mind that it’s possible to improve communication in your relationship, but it’s not going to happen overnight. It may take time, but it is well worth it.

Examples of couple communication exercises

Here are a few examples of couple communication exercises that we use in our courses and workshops, and we know are effective:

• “Mirroring”: This exercise involves one partner sharing their thoughts and feelings on a particular topic, and the other partner repeating back what they heard in their own words. This helps to ensure that both partners are fully understanding each other’s perspective.
• “Active listening”: This involves fully focusing on your partner and actively trying to understand their thoughts and feelings. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive, and instead try to listen and understand where they are coming from.
• “The perspective-taking exercise”: One partner shares a situation or problem, and the other partner tries to understand and reflect back their perspective. This helps to build empathy and understanding between partners.
• “The talking stick exercise”: Each partner takes turns holding a “talking stick” or some other object, and only the person holding the object is allowed to speak. This helps to encourage active listening and ensures that both partners have an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.
• “The check-in exercise”: Set aside a regular time each week to “check-in” with each other about your thoughts, feelings, and needs. This can be a short conversation, or it can be more in-depth depending on what each partner feels comfortable with.

The key to these couple communication exercises is to create a safe and supportive environment where both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Our suggestion is that you try each of them and discover which ones are more suitable for you.
Besides trying on your own, at our online tantra course – the new WE – we guide you through effective couple communication exercises and practices that will help you to go deeper in your partnership.

When you learn communication skills and couple communication exercises, and put them in use regularly, you are building a solid foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

How can couples improve their communication?

In conclusion, here are several things that couples can do to improve their communication and strengthen their relationship.

One of the most important is to set aside regular dedicated time for each other, where both partners compromise themselves to be fully present, and to talk and listen to each other in a committed way.

Another crucial aspect of effective couple communication is to be respectful and non-judgmental. It’s natural to have disagreements and differences of opinion, but it’s important to approach these conflicts with respect and empathy. This means expressing your own feelings and thoughts in the first person, and listening to your partner’s perspective, both with kindness and acceptance,.

It’s also important to be patient and understanding. It can be easy to get frustrated, feel self-pity or aggressive if you feel like your partner isn’t understanding what you’re saying. However, it’s good to remember that effective communication takes time and practice, and you can only get there if you are patient and keep trying to work through any misunderstandings, practicing couple communication exercises and learning communication skills for couples.

Finally, it’s important to make an effort to keep the lines of communication open, both when things are going well or when they are more challenging. This can be achieved by both partners  making time for each other, checking in their your own emotions and thoughts regularly, as well as your partners’. Furthermore, it also requires being willing to have honest and open discussions about any issues that may come up.

To create and nourish a loving, conscious relationship is essential to learn good communication skills for couples, as well as finding the time for couple communication exercises and love-based practices which support a deeper connection and better intimacy between the two of you.

Our courses and workshops offer a wonderful way to learn and experience practices which you will be able to use to create deeper intimate connections. When you give yourself time to share meaningful moments together, you are investing in yourself and in your relationship. 

“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker.
When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.“
Sue Patton Thoele

Develop your couple communication skills in our course – the new WE!